Wed 3 June 2009

My Prayer: Kill the Representative

Trying to understand myself and those I come into contact with on a daily basis, is not only exhausting, but it also has the ability to throw me into depression. The problem with that is that I assume and expect that they want to know me as well. It seems to me that when people around me do not act or react the way that I would, I am disappointed. For example, if I spend much of my time going out of my way for someone, I am honestly fall into depression when they fail to do the same when I need them. What this has done for me is helped me realize that I cannot rely on “man”, I can only rely on my Lord God. I am the kind of person that really wants to get to know people. I do not particularly enjoy meeting peoples “representatives”, although I can't say I don't have one of my own. When you first meet people are not faced with who they really are, you are faced with their representative, someone presenting an impression that represents their best interest. Their representative has a fiduciary responsibility to laugh at all the right jokes and inlay intelligent thoughts or quips when speaking. In the early days of business you are also constantly having to demonstrate and express your success, you have to boast about your accomplishments. Unfortunately there are some environments (like business) that this representative is needed because our real selves might scare people off and/or might make business a little to personal. There are proper mannerisms and proper tones for certain environments. Some people might feel bothered by the idea of that, they might even call it “acting”, in an attempt to demean the act of representing a positive reflection of oneself and shifting so that the light reflects as bright as it can. I think that accepting this common fact of our society (in moderation) will probably project you towards greater success than living the life with wind in your hair, the life of a rebel. The reason I bring this is up is because there is one environment that I can't help but feel bothered by this “look good and let the representative shine” perspective; this place is church. I'll admit, I've fallen into it, I've “acted” even among a group of people that do not need an act (even though they might foolishly crave it from time to time). We don't go to church to be recognized for our name, our face, our smiles or our voice. Church is not a religious function, church is a faithful worship of our creator along side our brothers and sisters. I would prefer others who come letting their scars, their healed wounds, their crooked smiles and their real personalities project their hearts. Hearts that are not just dung rolled in gold dust, which are only beautiful from the outside. My prayer for today is that God cleans me from the inside out and that he allows me to drop my guard in front of my fellow brothers and sister, only offering who I really am.

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